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Colin, Emilie & Molly

They make me laugh everyday...

Friday, January 7, 2011

I love my past

 Driving around today A Dave Mathews Band song came on the radio. As with all of their songs it made me smile. They always make me smile because they remind me of my past. I love my past. Starting when I was 18 I worked for the Forest Service fighting forest fires as they are called up North and in Southern California, where I worked they are called wildland fires.

I loved my job and I was extremely proud of my job. The picture below was taken my first year I was with El Cariso Hotshots. The crew is station on the Cleveland N.F. North of San Diego but we traveled all over the United States. Looking at this picture reminds me of how young and dumb I was when I started. I thought I knew so much. But I didn't.
These people taught me so much. And I love who I am today because of them. Not all of the memories are good. Some are down right awful. But most of them are amazing. Throughout my twenties I got to see parts of the U.S. that most people will never see.
The job is crazy hard. You have to be strong and smart at the same time. I miss that.

Now a days I feel useless. I know my job as a mom is  important. All I have ever wanted to be is a wife and mom. The 10 years I fought fires was just a job to pass the time until I got married. And now that I'm in the thick of raising kids I'm not sure what to do with myself.
I've almost been out of fire as long as I was in it. At what point is it not OK to say that was job before kids? When will  it have been too long ago? Am I no longer that person? I was so proud of that person. I did a job with 20 other people that not just anyone could do. Once I left the hotshots and became full time I got to work with a great group of guys on a fire truck and spent a summer working on a helicopter. I want to do something amazing again. I want to do something that I'm proud of.

I'm proud of my kids and the great job we are doing but I need more.

I'm sure that this is also just a phase and it to will pass....

I am the hunched over one 4th from the left in the back row

I'm the one with no hard at on the right between a hard hat guy and no hard hat guy.

I wish the pictures would have scanned in better. I need to figure that out too.

2 comments:

  1. Wow...what a cool job. I'm sure it makes you an even cooler mom!! I feel that way sometimes about being a stay at home mom. I "use" to be a nurse! Not sure if I still am because I've been out of it for 10 years! Yes I still renew my license every year but I'm just so far from it all now! I worked emergency and drug and alcohol detox and rehab. I guess I miss the excitement sometimes...but not the stress. I happen to believe that the sacrifice you are making for your kids will benefit them forever!!

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  2. thanks for sharing your fire days photos. i was reminded today of my old "real" job as i toured my friend through Bellevue Square today and pointed out each dept. at Nordy's I worked at over the years, and Pottery Barn. Fun times. Don't miss being on my feet all day, working retail. ever.

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